| Sticky Situations Written by: Jennifer Biscuti School can be a challenging, inspiring time for most teens. We find out our academic strengths and weaknesses, develop social skills, and really find out who we are. However, many complications can arise along the way when we encounter bullying, gossiping and negative social situations. It’s hard to know the right thing to do when you’re trying to retain friends, avoid enemies and remember your values—all while concentrating on classes! Our lives are defined by the decisions we make starting from a young age. We rely on help and guidance from our parents and loved ones, but how do we deal when we’re on our own in a situation involving friends? When dealing with gossip or rumors that are spread about you, Dr. Megan Hogarth, a psychologist in the Counseling Department at Seton Hall University, advises, “Use your assertiveness skills and address the problem directly in a mature fashion. Try and figure out, what are they trying to do?” Though it is easy to shoot gossip back at the person, that strategy just perpetuates the problem and does not solve the real issue. It’ s important to stand up for yourself and face the problem head-on with the person with whom you are having a conflict. “It’s actually pretty empowering, to face a problem in a diplomatic way and have it be resolved,” Dr. Hogarth says. If it becomes threatening or harassing, she warns, it may be smart to get others such as faculty or teachers involved. According to Dr. Hogarth, feeling bullied can have major negative consequences besides the obvious emotional ones. You may fear going to school and lose of focus in class, she says. Dr. Hogarth also suggests turning a problem into productivity. “You may want to reach out to other students that also feel bullied or gossiped about, and set up an event in your school with a speaker about the dangers of gossip,” she says. So what are some ways you can be assertive when facing a social problem? “Think it through, develop your key points,” says Dr. Hogarth, “and use ‘I statements’such as ‘I feel this way,’ or ‘I think this,’ rather than making it about the other person.” As our social lives continue to develop, we may encounter another unique problem that puts us in the middle of two fighting friends. It may be difficult if your friends use you as a way to talk to one another. Whose side are you supposed to take? According to Dr. Hogarth, the two people involved should be communicating to one another, otherwise it’s only going to continue the negative feelings they have towards one another. “You’re in an uncomfortable situation as a mediator, because you’re always going to have to make a choice between the two,” she says. It may be helpful to take a step back and not speak to either party, this way they can figure out their differences themselves. Though social situations may be uncomfortable and painful for the time being, keep in mind everyone goes through them, and they may continue into college and beyond. It’s our decisions and how we choose to handle things, however, that dictate how we let these situations affect us! |
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