Roxy's Diary from the Middle East

By: Roxy Fera

Imagine the two scenarios:
- Living in one place for a long time or
- Moving from country to country living in each for about three to four
years maybe more.

Which one would you prefer and why?

Which feelings do these life scenarios induce you to experience? Feelings of
security, of comfort, of excitement, of fear, of unknown, of fascination?  

Life can make you, break you or placed you somewhere in a grey area of
comfort unaware of the possibilities out there – that if we live in the same
familiar place for many years. I don’t believe this to be true for someone
living abroad most of his/her life exploring cultures, edgy situations,
uncertainty every step of the way from ordering food to paying bills written
in the local language, or facing people impossible to communicate with.
Living in a multitude of cultures forces on you a different type of
understanding of life which has only two edges! It can make you or break
you! In this case, I don’t believe there is a grey area in which to hang out.

Discovering the “new world” – America – for my first time at the end of
20th century was my initial experience living abroad… The best years of my
life were in the States. They helped me discover a new concept of thinking
literally of out the box and of living at its best even if it was, at times, only
on 10 dollars a week… I felt so free! It was a powerful experience yet to be
challenged in terms of its impact by any other…

Since then, my mind has learned the intensity of our human senses taken
out of the context of our own culture, and the constant awareness we can
have of the world around us… if we pay attention! Every time I travel to a
new country and decide to live there, my senses heighten emphasizing its
authentic outlook, its specific smells, its strange-to-me but normal-to-
others beats and rhythms of life…

So how can a culture change us whether we want it or not?

I was very happy to experience the changes I went through in the States.
The education system challenged me to think differently and become very
much aware of the world around me as opposed to the communist system
which spoon-fed me by making me memorize and obey its rules.

Going to China was another intense experience but from a negative point of
view. I had no expectations but only the excitement and the promise of a
new cross-cultural understanding which I so longed for.

However, my senses being so heightened brought out the ugliness of this
culture rather than its beauty. The Chinese people’s perceptions of
foreigners categorized me and put me in a box of stereotypes. One annoying
stereotype was having been portrayed always as a source of income for
them. Bargaining prices with them became a real nightmare unless a
Chinese friend came to my rescue.

Before I arrived to Oman, I made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to
allow its culture and people’s perceptions of women make me feel less or
diminish my personality. I was very much aware of its power to do so and at
the same time knowing my own upbringing.

However, as a single foreign woman living in a Muslim country I have been
perceived from an angle I’ve never encountered. The simple act of walking
normally on the street and dressed up without necessarily disrespecting the
local dress code, such as wearing normal jeans and a shirt, has become a
source of stress. On a regular basis, cars driven by men stop to ask whether
I want a ride, and it isn’t because it comes from the bottom of their heart to
help out. Some even want to give out their phone number whether I desired
it or not; or to know whether I am willing to give them mine. At first, I didn’
t take it seriously, but the more it happened the more I felt offended for the
way they regarded me no matter how careful I behaved. A foreign women
without the head scarf is stereotyped as a sexually available woman no
matter what status she has.

Facing daily situations brought me disappointment with my own ability to
deal with uncertainty and having realized that I wasn’t as interculturally
prepared as I thought I was.

How have I survived all those societal pressures coming from cultures in
which I have lived? Well it’s hard to say. This begs the question of what
survival of societal pressures actually means: adapting to the new culture
for the sake of getting by, or to preserve your own cultural background and
expand your understanding of the world around you? Can it also mean that
your own original self doesn’t change overtime? Or does it mean that I allow
it to change me by blending the positive aspects of the new culture into my
personality and character?

Well, here I leave you with a last thought and a closure to my writing. In
my opinion as a global citizen, living abroad is a life changing experience,
one that speeds up your maturity in a practical sense enabling you to make
important decisions. It strengthens your basic survival skills! It’s one worth
taking at any cost! Go for it! Just always keep in mind where you come
from. It’s the best point of reference you can ever have so that you avoid
getting lost into the beautiful jungle called: the World!
Editor's Note: Roxy Fera currently lives in Oman, and writes a monthly column for AMG
documenting her thoughts and experiences living abroad. Below is her seventh and final
diary entry.