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| “To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.” ~ Lao Tzu Have you ever wondered whether girls like you living in the Middle East get to choose how they want to celebrate their own wedding in more restricted societies? It’s not all arranged. Believe me there is love in the air for the lucky ones! However, most importantly there is the excitement of a new page in her book of life. She is away from her usual routine, watching television late at night and going shopping with her friends without a real purpose in the afternoons and on weekends….just because there is no better alternative for culturally safe activities. This is the life of an 18 plus year-old overly protected daughter in a Gulf Arab family. Not many of them are encouraged to attend higher education. Many of those girls wish to get married in order to jump into a novel but yet very secure avenue of life where their husband will have to provide for her no less than the comforts of her previous family life. Marriage is also their way out of their nuclear family and into a more independent expression of their personalities depending on their level of confidence to put conditions before the marriage contract. If, for example, a girl happens to have been raised by a father who encouraged self-expression in her, the daughter-to-be-married would not ask for anything less than what she is used to before the marriage contract is to be signed. The same is the case for material comforts. The wedding itself, in a foreign country, is a fascinating experience for an outsider like myself. Personally, I haven’t been to too many weddings in my life. However, I have been fortunate to participate in several ones across the globe. I have been in a number of Romanian weddings, an American one and in India, China and here in Oman. The range of diverse ceremonies and rituals which I came across left me with a sense of wonder and beauty regarding humanity’s ability and willingness to celebrate the union of love which in itself cannot be translated but can be transcended beyond borders. Here in Oman, I have participated in several marriage ceremony ranging from very traditional ones such as an Omani-Bedouin wedding to a more liberal and colorful approach exampling a Swahili-Arab wedding. In a traditional wedding there are three parts: the signing of the contract, the “henna” party for the bride and the wedding itself in which only women are allowed to participate. These all happen pretty much simultaneously. On the other hand, the Omani-Swahili wedding includes two more aspects: the “kitchen shower” party and the lady-gents party in which men and women are allowed to party together in the same room. The “henna” party is the time when the traditionally but still revealingly dressed bride gets to show the artistic temp- orary tattooing of her hands, arms, legs and feet which lasts about two to three weeks. At the same party, her guests get to receive henna bodily works of art from professional traditional artists preparing them for attending the large wedding. The “kitchen party”, which can happen before or after the hena party, is a time when the closest friends and family female members are invited by the bride to shower her with gifts mostly consisting of kitchenware. This is similar to our western bride showers. The most creative Swahili brides get the chance to come up with fun activities for their guests. This party can be a real blast! In more traditional weddings, when the only-female participation is allowed, the bride can wear any color-dress she desires. The color itself represents more of a personal preference as opposed to a specific symbolic meaning. On the other hand, in the Swahili all-women weddings, the bride is dressed in the well-known white gown and the rest of the female participants may wear evening gowns similar to what we wear. In both all-women weddings, female family members and friends gather slowly and as they do they go to the bride’s sitting area which is usually a bench, greet her and drop money in the near-by Sinbad-like treasure box. After eating the meals prepared, the lady-guests gather in front of the bride and dance traditional Arabic dances by tying a scarf around their hips and moving them to the beats exotic rhythms. At the end of the ceremony, the groom comes to take his bride home by coming to his bride’s bench. He places his right hand on her covered head and reads verses from the Holy Book of Quran. Only after this act he is allowed to unveil her and kiss her cheek. At this point, there is a distinct difference between the traditional wedding and the Swahili one. In the later, the groom gets to walk through the crowd of lady-guests followed by a few of his brothers or close friends who get to join the party. As he arrives at his bride’s side, pictures are taken and celebration dances are being performed. Then the youngest, usually a girl, brings the wedding rings placed either in her hair, on her dress or in a basket. In some weddings, while she is walking, she performs a dance with her body, arms and hands. As the child arrives to the stage, the rings are being exchanged and so the couple is considered married. What awaits them is both a mystery. Is it love that conceives the road in front of them? Or duty? |
| Roxy's Diary from the Middle East - Part V |
Editor's Note: Roxy Fera currently lives in Oman, and writes a monthly column for AMG
documenting her thoughts and experiences living abroad. Below is Part V of the series.
documenting her thoughts and experiences living abroad. Below is Part V of the series.
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