Roxy's Diary from the Middle East - Part II


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by: Roxy Fera
“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his
life by altering his attitudes of mind.” - William James (1842 - 1910)

The apartment where I live in Muscat is very close to one of the largest
mosques in the Middle East. The mosque is one of the main tourist
attractions in Oman and the first stop for many cruise-ship travelers who
come from around the world.

Even though, I, myself, am not very religious, I turn off my music when the
call for prayer comes from the large speakers in the mosque towers as a sign
of respect. I do not do it because I have to. I do it because I think it’s a
beautiful moment filled with a sense of both culture and divinity. It is not
just the most beautiful voice I have ever heard that attracts my attention. It
is how the other calls for prayer from nearby mosques meet in a
synchronized symphony of divine sound.   

What is the “call for prayer”? I didn’t really care much about it – “the call for
prayer” - until I saw a commercial on one of the Gulf TV channels. The
commercial was trying to motivate young people to attend the mosque and
pray. It showed a young man going through life in a restless way, opening
different doors, entering other people’s lives, houses, offices, shopping
places, cars, airports, etc. He was tired and agitated and felt no peace from
within. (Does it sound familiar? How many of us tend to feel that way… at
least from time to time?)

Suddenly, he hears the call for prayer and stops his aimless search in the
middle of the road while other people walk by. There, he raises his hands in
the air in front of his chest in prayer and continues the ritual, finding his
peace of mind in the end.

The commercial didn’t necessarily motivate me to become a Muslim.
However, it did strengthen my own understanding of the importance of
prayer - whether it is in Islam or any other religion.

And it made me wonder: are we so different from each other? Maybe we dress
and eat differently, pray, marry in diverse ways, or basically hold an
alternative belief system.  Do we have to agree with them?

I, personally, find myself in conflict with some aspects of society here
because my values don’t always match up with theirs. Here are some
examples:  

Clothing code
Ever since I  arrived here, in spite of my conscious effort to dress
conservatively during the day - wearing jeans or pants and long-sleeve shirts -
in spite of the horrendous temperatures, I still look like a foreigner. I am
easily judged by my appearance, and, therefore, people’s actions, especially
those coming from men, reflect their thoughts. They can be offensive in
lesser or more visible ways whether they are verbal or simple gestures of
slowing down their cars or following me in order to watch me. I find it very
unpleasant. But what can I do? I simply ignore them.  

A handshake
Shaking hands can become an embarrassing situation for a foreign woman.
During my first year in Oman, when I was still learning to apply my
extensively-read-cross-cultural-yet unapplied- skills, I wasn’t always aware of
the right application. When one of my student's father wanted to talk to me
about his son, I put my hand out to shake his hand and he completely
abstained himself from doing the same. I felt very uncomfortable, and so
offended! But his religion tells him to respect a female he doesn’t know at all.

Being ignored when meeting someone
As you probably know in our western culture, when anyone accompanies you
while meeting friends no matter whether they are female, male, children or
elderly, you have to introduce them to each other. Otherwise it would be
considered rude. That is not the case here. When I’m in the company of a
Muslim male friend, or when a Muslim male in general is accompanied by his
wife especially, who happens to meet one of his male friends, I or the wife, as
women, become invisible. The friend makes no attempt to look at the female
as a sign of respect for the male who is in her company. This is an example of
religious tradition. However, there are Arab men who do the opposite and
introduce themselves.

However, in spite of all those, I have decided to go with the flow and try to
mold my behavior in such a way that it doesn’t go against the local way of
living and at the same time, preserving my own identity. I have tried to keep
my inner-self aware of cultural pressures and made conscious efforts to
safeguard what’s mine! A very difficult thing!

I believe I always have a choice - I can either blend in by lowering, losing or
changing my own values and beliefs permanently forgetting from where I
come. Or, I can retain the values and beliefs worth keeping, observe theirs,
take what is good for me and respect what is not.

In the next issue I will explore the difference between tradition and the
Islamic law as it applies to different aspects of society from childhood to
adulthood, dating to marriage, and communication and behavior.
Editor's Note: Roxy Fera currently lives in Oman, and writes a monthly column for AMG
documenting her thoughts and experiences living abroad. Below is Part II of the series.