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| Editor's Note: Dear Deborah is a new column running every month in AMG. If you would like to submit a question to Deborah, email info@athenamagazineforgirls.com with "Dear Deborah" in the subject line. Not all questions can be answered, however, if your question is chosen, only your first name, age, and state will be published. Dear Deborah, I've been having a lot of problems with my mom lately. She doesn't like my friends and wants me to spend more time at home. I love my mom, but she's being like my shadow right now. - Jazmin, 15, Texas Dear Jazmin: Often times, the best way to change how we are treated by others is to adjust our own behavior. I'd approach this situation by looking at your own actions. Ask yourself: (a) What it is about your friends that she doesn’t like? (b) Is there something you are doing or saying that is causing your mother concern? (c) What types of things can you do to help her to trust you and have confidence in who you are and the choices you make? Once you gave it some thought, go talk to your mother about what you came up with and see what she can add. It might well be that making some simple changes in your behaviors (i.e. giving her an extra call at night, bring your friends over to your house so you mom can get to know them, telling her where you will be or what you will be doing, let her know if you are running late) will change her outlook and, as a result, the way she behaves towards and treats you. Look at it from your mother’s perspective. The high school years are a amazing time in your life—a time to meet new people, explore who you are, gain independence and have a lot of fun. Friends are very important and influential at this point in your life BUT you do want to make sure you are keeping good company—people that will better you rather than drag you down and get you involved in unproductive activities like drug use, drinking, excess partying and even criminal acts. It’s clear that you love your mom and she loves you, open up that dialog with her now, and I’m sure you’ll be glad you do over the next years. ~Deborah ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Deborah, I don't have a date for homecoming. Do you think it's okay to go with my friends instead? - Caitlin, 17, Colorado Dear Caitlin: Is it okay? ABSOLUTELY!! It’s your homecoming too, not just a party for people with dates. Also, you’ll probably have a better time (and avoid undue stress) going with a group of friends than some forced date situation. If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable, just remember that it takes a stronger person to break the mold and say "I'm going have a great time no matter what." Have fun!! ~ Deborah |
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