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Dear Deborah,

I don't know what to do about my dad. He just lost his job last week and
he's been really depressed. He just mopes around the house and he's
been acting all weird. How can I help him?

~ MaryBeth, 13, Kentucky  

                  Dear MaryBeth:

                You and your family are not alone in what you are
                experiencing, these things happen (unfortunately quite
                a lot lately).  What you see as “weird” is probably your
                father’s attempt at coping with this situation or even
                protecting you. He may be experiencing mixed emotions
                anger, sadness, inadequacy, shame etc.  Know that he is likely
trying hard to put things together and that life as you once knew it will
return once he is able to resume working and things get better (and they
will!).  

What can you do? Exactly what you ARE doing: being an understanding
person.  Understand that until things get back to normal the budget
may be tighter.  Understand also that it is not your fault—that for the
next little bit your father might be short with you, not as much fun
and/or continue to act weird.  Try not to take it personally and please
don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault.

You might try talking with him about the situation and asking how you
can contribute—maybe you could help more around the house, give
him and extra hug or encouraging high five, or cut down on
allowance/spending for a while.  Again, don’t be upset if you don’t get
the response you are looking for.  If things get very serious and you feel
you might need professional help, seek out another adult who might be
able to get him the support he needs.  

Good luck!

~ Deborah