From the Mouth of Babes
by: Deborah Murad

If you’ve seen it once you’ve seen it 100 times:  A baby is born and placed
gently into the arms of her glowing mother.  The mother cries, as her life
is now complete.  Let me introduce you to my reality:  A baby is born and
the mother thinks to herself “what have I done.”  She doesn’t want to hold
the baby, she wants to run.  It’s clear everything has changed and would
never ever be the same again.  I was right.  Within 12 hours (not so bad for
first time labor!) I went from aspiring Broadway actress and attorney-at-
law to MOTHER.  Not attorney-actress-mother, just mother.

I always pictured myself staying at home with my children.  However, also
pictured a world where I could have it all—a world where I could maintain
my career—bring my child with me to auditions or will signings.   It was a
perfect picture and could surely be accomplished.  Why? Because I was a
strong, successful, optimistic, and intelligent woman who could do
anything I put she mind to and would have nothing stand in her way.  
The flaw with my thinking was that in having a child, I signed myself up
for MOTHERHOOD!  This meant, cook, maid, janitor, night shift
attendant, and, as I joked during the first 3 months of  my son’s life, full-
time slave.  There wasn’t any time anymore to the woman I was, there was
barely enough time to sleep.  

The impact of my decision to stay at home hit me hard and fast.  I would
never become partner at a law firm or a big star on Broadway because I was
off the “path.” Staying at home to raise a child meant missing out on
critical years where I was supposed to be developing myself so I could
actually BE someone. More shocking was that it seemed that the things
that identified me before becoming a mother became, at best, hobbies,
things I could do on the side if I were lucky.

In order to dig myself out of hole of self-pity I easily fell into, I needed to
reassess my life and reinvent myself.  After all, I had been through a real
life change and had to change with it.  In the process of rebuilding, I
learned a few things that helped to cultivate a stronger, better me.  

First, I’ve learned that when times change, you must reevaluate your
definition of success.   Perhaps we do this automatically overtime.  For
example, we wouldn’t ask the straight-A high school student who is captain
of her track team and editor of the school newspaper to hold herself to that
same standard in college.  For me, personally, reevaluating success meant
acknowledging that life had become more difficult.  Something that had
previously been simple, like participating in a community theatre show,
was no longer so.  No, community theatre is not Broadway, but performing
a challenging role while my son wasn’t yet sleeping through the night is a
success.

I would have never found the time to perform had I not learned to treat
time as the precious commodity it is.  We have only a few short hours in
each day and we must try to use each hour to move forward.  Focus on
what is important and eliminate things (or people) that waste your time.  
With time on your side you enable your own success.

Finally, I learned to think less and do more. Rather than focus on
difficulties ahead and the hurdles standing in the way, make decisions.  
Rather than talk about all the wonderful things you plan on doing, do
them.  If you don’t commit to things, and make them happen, they won’t.  
This month my son turns one.  While it’s still too early for me to see the
true and long-term impact of my decision to be a stay at home mother, I
realize now that it is wrong to look at my situation as black and white, all
or nothing, career or motherhood. There are many shades of grey that
need exploring and I’m slowly learning grey is no less of a color.