A Mother’s Love

By: Sarah Cushing

Being a good mom is hard work.  And being the mother of an adopted child
is usually even harder work.  When a person adopts a child not only do they
make a big time, financial and emotional commitment, but they also take
on the various psychological and social issues that they and their adopted
child may face.  Although these problems aren’t easy to work through, this
special set of issues is one of the things that makes relationships between
mothers and their adopted daughters so special.

Kristal
Kristal Hemmings was four when
she first came into the home of her
adoptive parents. Like many
adopted people, Kristal experienced
some of the issues that can come
along with being an adopted person.
Kristal’s rocky relationship with
her mother as she grew up is a
prime example. “My Mom and I
did not get along at all,” she says.
“I would tell her she wasn’t my
real mom, and that I wished I had
been adopted by someone else.”

Not only did Kristal have a challenging relationship with her mother as she
grew up, but she also felt out of place with her classmates and friends.
“Adolescence was a really hard time for me. I was going through feeling out
of place, like no one loves me and more alone than ever. Even now that I
am in college,” she continues, “I still feel as though I don’t fit in many
times.” Now, at twenty four year old, Kristal feels differently about the
relationship she had with her Mom growing up. “My adoptive Mom—who I
refer to as my real Mom—did so much for me in retrospect. When I was
younger, I held so much hate for her, and I think that as I grew up I figured
out that it wasn’t her I that I hated, it was my biological Mom.”

Kristal has also come to appreciate
and understand her mother and
their relationship more than ever.
“My mother is the only person in
the world that will always be there
for me. Today I can honestly say
that my Mom is my best friend.”
Kristal also really values the fact
that she was adopted and feels like
it has helped make her who she is.
“It has definitely made me who I
am today,” she says. “I know that
without the experiences that I have
gone through I would not be as
strong as I am today.”

Samantha
Adopted as an infant, Samantha Chaplin is the oldest, and only adopted
child, in a family of five kids. Unlike Kristal, Samantha feels she didn’t
experience any difficult issues as a result of her adoption, however like
Kristal, her relationship with her Mom growing up wasn’t always easy.
“Being the oldest, combined with having a very strong personality, being
sort of a rebel, my Mom and I sometimes butted heads.”

Despite this, Samantha felt very secure about her adoption as she grew up.
“I grew up knowing I was adopted. I was always told that it [adoption] made
me special…so I always had a very positive image of adoption.” Although
Samantha doesn’t feel she has dealt with any specific issues stemming from
her adoption, she does mention that not having access to her medical
history is an obstacle for her. “Most people can say, ‘Oh well, there’s a
history of cancer in my family’ but I am not privy to that knowledge,” she
says. Samantha doesn’t place any particular value on being adopted, but she
thinks her mother sees things a little differently. “I believe that my Mom
thinks the fact that I was adopted is special. For awhile she took to studying
Kabbalah where there is the belief that adoptive parents are spiritually
connected with their children, and that the children are chosen by their
parents.” The most important thing to Samantha though, is her family. “I
place value on having a family that is fun and quirky and supportive and
loving and amazing.”

Relationships between mothers and daughters are diverse and rich. But, one
thing is for sure, and that is that mothering knows no biological bounds.
Kristal and her mother